By Kylie Grunsfeld

To me you were Apollonian; I had some sense
that if you walked from this graveyard, all the sunlight,
all the order, would leave with you.
Now sometimes I wonder if there was some truth to that
because for a while I’ve felt as though
I’ve been searching around in the dark
for a switch or chain that will make me feel lit up again.
But I hate to attribute all of that to you—
you were no God at all, only a boy
who happened to block my view of the sky
at just the right time.

Still, I can’t shake each glaring contradiction:
the mossy acre of the dead and the sweet summer glow of the evening.
The corpse playground and the church playground, meant for
real, live children. You and me.
Perusing the aisles, you told me stories of you as a kid,
of this very church, this very playground,
and the productions they’d put on in the courtyard;
every iteration of you that had seen the dust motes
idling in this golden stream.
Sometimes you’d open the door to understanding and I’d enter gladly,
perpetually a first-time houseguest
walking slowly up to the skittish cat, no sudden movements,
hoping it could see the good intentions in my outstretched hand.
Other times it was like clutching onto the outside sill
of the church window, searching for solid enough footing
on the cobblestone wall to hoist myself up
to get the slightest glimpse inside.

What did I know about church, about death, about love?
Still I tried to find some meaning in it all,
None of which belonged to me.


Biographical Statement: My name is Kylie! I’m from Charlottesville, VA. I’m an English major in my freshman year, and I want to pursue a concentration in creative writing. I’ve been writing since I was a little kid; I’ve always known that I want to have a career as a writer in some respect, and I genuinely can’t imagine a world in which I’m not telling stories, whether that’s through the medium of poetry, novels, plays, films, songs, etc.

Artist’s Statement: This poem is a reflection on an evening spent (and really an entire relationship spent) with a person I’m no longer close to.