By Christine Stoddard

My eyes fall on the lights and shadows cutting up the Neotropical forest. Patches of gold and green collide with crevices colored deep browns and blacks. Agave and rubber trees form an army that marches on for miles. Maybe to them I am a rogue soldier, hunting for a news story to publish in the military newspaper. My camera hangs from my neck, bouncing off my chest whenever I speed up. I seek nothing new, but rather something old. This is my grandmother’s backyard. Though she has been dead 40 years, perhaps her face lives in a log or her heart lies pounding on a stump, nestled by ferns. I cannot know if I do not look.

When a hibiscus bush rustles, I freeze. More plants start to dance. Then a jaguar, ebony with the faintest smattering of spots on its forehead and sharp shoulder blades, emerges from the foliage. It might have crossed my path without acknowledging me, but I lose my balance and snap a twig under my ugly hiking boot. The jaguar shoots its big head toward me. Its amber eyes roll around, betraying their bored owner, and its massive jaw hangs open. I fear I might have angered the jaguar, but it is only annoyed. It snuffles like it’s clearing its nostrils, though I suppose that is a reluctant greeting. Without thinking, I exclaim, “Abuela!” In the same instant, I lift my camera. Too late. The jaguar has already leapt across the remainder of the path and into the brush. The movement is so swift and clean that the plants it pushes past only tremble for a moment after the beast has gone. Meanwhile, I cannot move so swiftly, or at all. When I finally do, I turn around and head back toward camp, not a single photograph saved to my SD card.

Biographical Statement: Christine Stoddard is a filmmaker, performer, writer, and artist named Brooklyn Magazine’s Top 50 Most Fascinating People and has won BestOfBk.com’s Best Artist. She runs the YouTube channel @StoddardSays and co-hosts the comedy TV show “Don’t Mind If I Don’t” on YouTube @DontMindTheShow. As an undergrad at VCUarts, she started her career writing books, exhibiting art, founding Quail Bell Magazine, and directing the documentary “The Persistence of Poe.” ​Her work has appeared in the Portland Review, Ms. Magazine, Cosmopolitan, The Feminist Wire, City Limits, and beyond. Her books include Desert Fox by the Sea, Belladonna Magic, Water for the Cactus Woman, and other titles.